Linger
by insert witty
Summary: Matt leaves Tai after a fight about one of Tai's new friends, who Matt thinks is hitting on Tai. But the Matt and Tai still love each other, so... what'll happen? Taito, shounen ai...Please read!^_^
1. A blue sweater

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon! And if I did, I probably wouldn't have made Matt become an astronaut and Tai a politician… I mean, out of all jobs, a _politician_? And an astronaut? Nahhh!^o^

A/N: So here I go with another taito…:P Hehe, please read! There'll be more to come of this I think…

**Linger **by ThatGirl

**~chapter one, A blue sweater~**

"I'm home, Matt!" Tai shouted loudly as he closed the front door of the apartment that he shared with his lover behind him. "Hello?"

Not receiving an answer, he picked off his shoes and tossed the coat in a corner of the hall. The nice smell of Matt's cooking was in the entire place and Tai made his way into the small kitchen. He saw Matt sitting by the table, alone, resting his chin in his hands and staring straight through Tai.

"Matt? Why didn't you answer?" Tai asked, feeling a little annoyed. He had the feeling that another argument was just around the corner, and groaned inwardly. 

Again, he was ignored completely. He winced a little at the empty look in Matt's eyes.

"Matt. Hey. Come on, don't be like this now…"

Matt only sighed.

"It's cold now, anyway." he said. Tai hadn't been expecting _that_. Matt didn't sound angry at all. He sounded…hurt. Almost sad. 

"What?"

"The dinner. It's gone cold."

"Oh", came Tai's intelligent reply to that.

It was a quiet for a while, but then Tai broke the silence.

"Look, I know I was late again, and I've been late many times the latest time—"

"You didn't even come home yesterday and the day before that." Matt cut in.

"-And…" Tai trailed off, hearing the words of his boyfriend. "Yeah, sorry…" he bit his lip. "But I've gotten that new job, you know… And I still play soccer sometimes, and I was just hanging out with the guys and stuff…"

"You were hanging out with Musuku, huh?" Matt asked, not meeting Tai's eyes. 

"I didn't say that! …But, okay, so maybe I _did_ hang out with Musuku, but what difference does that make?"

Matt kept silent, pressing his lips together until his mouth only was a thin line. Musuku was one of Tai's new partners at his work, and the two had been spending an awful lot of time together the latest weeks. Matt couldn't help but feeling both left out, and, however it wasn't anything he was very proud of, jealous.

"…Never do such a thing. Don't you trust me, Matt?"  
Matt noticed Tai had been talking all the time he had been lost in thought.  
"I do trust _you_, Tai! It's Musuku I don't trust!" he cried, throwing his hands up in the air to empathize the words. He stood from the chair and looked Tai right in the eye. "It feels like if I have to make _an appointment_ if I want to talk to you now!"

"You're exaggerating!"

"No, I'm not!"  
"Yes, you are!"  
"Am not!"

"Yes, you…" Tai stopped, realizing the childish arguments. "Matt, why do you always have to act like this?" he asked. "All the time, the only thing you do yelling and screaming at me!"

"I yell and scream at you because I want you here! Not always, but sometimes at least! I hardly see you anymore!"

"What, are you jealous or something?" Tai shouted, in his anger missing the point of what Matt had just told him. "Because if you are, then could I be then? I'm gay, you're bi, so it's approximately fifty percent more chance that you'd cheat on me than that I'd cheat on you!" He knew it was a low blow, but he didn't care for the moment.

"This has nothing to do with sexuality, and you know it. But every time I've seen you and Musuku, he's totally hitting on you! Haven't you noticed that?"  
"He's not hitting on me. We've been through this before, and he's still not. We are friends, and nothing more."

"I still don't trust him!" Matt screamed, the tears that had been stinging in his eyes finally starting to roll down his cheeks. He turned on his heel and made his way to the bedroom they shared together. Tai groaned melodramatically and stalked after him.

"Matt…"

He flinched as the blonde practically slammed the bedroom door shut right in his face. It was a long time since he'd seen Matt this angry. He could hear how drawers were opened and closed and how his boyfriend was stomping around inside. Quiet sobs and sniffs were made their way through the locked door as well. 

"Matt", Tai said, a little calmer this time, pushing the handle down, but having no success in getting the door opened. "Matt!" he called again. He was starting to grow worried. "C'mon, koi, open the door!"

Tai jumped when the door _did_ open, and Matt stormed out, carrying a bag of clothes.

"What are you doing?" he wondered, confused. He looked at Matt with uncertainty in his chocolate eyes.

Matt didn't even turn around. Tai hurried to get to the front door before Matt, blocking it.

"Move, Tai."   
"No, not before you've told me what you're doing." he said earnestly, searching Matt's eyes. Matt looked away.  
"Isn't that clear?" He tried to push past Tai, but the brunette grabbed hold of his hand.

"…I'm sorry… Don't go, Matt… Please" He took Matt's hand in both of his own and held it gently against his chest.

Matt felt his heart beginning to melt. He loved Tai. But at the same time, he knew what it would go back to be like if he stayed, no matter how much he wanted to do so. So he pulled back his hand, trying his best not to pay any attention to the hurt in the other's eyes.

"I'm sorry too", he said, his voice breaking somewhat, and pushed by Tai, out of the apartment. He ran down the stairs and out on the street as quickly as he could.

Tai stood silently and looked after Matt, feeling nothing but… empty. After a few minutes, he returned inside of the apartment and went into the bedroom. The drawers and the door of the closet were wide open, Matt's clothes gone. Tai cast a glance on the bedside table on Matt's side of the bed. The book he had been reading was gone as well.   
A thick lump formed in his throat as he tiredly lay down in the bed that seemed so big now when he was alone in it. The pillow beside his own one smelt of Matt's sweet scent and when he lifted the quilt, he found the only piece of clothing Matt had forgot to take with him.

A blue sweater. 

Burning tears welled up in Tai's eyes and streamed down his face, and onto the sweater as he held it closely to his chest.

He already missed Matt.

So much it felt like if his heart was being torn apart.  

A/N: Umm… Was this really bad or…maybe good? *looks hopeful* You think I should continue? C'mon… Please write a review! 


	2. Fools, suggestions, and heart wounds

**A/N: **If you wanna read the disclaimer, it's in the first chapter! (If you're really that interested..^_^) And, this is important, this is **not a sorato** **fic**. It's only got a one-sided crush of Sora's. And also, I apologize if this is going to be incredibly badly written (maybe a small sap warning ahead), but it's the first thing I've written in English for a long time (I've written Swedish stuff for school), and it takes a little while for me to get used to the language again… Please have patience with me! *I'm in addition very sleepy-hyper-sugar-high now as well, and that might show in this too … huh* :)

Plus! Thanks to: KoNy, Aria, anonymous, Angel, Misty Ishida, CSMars, Kyuuen, Yamato's Tiger Lily, Sapphire Goddess, kamui, koss owl, Sophie V, Chi-chanlover, Destiny, Jo Jo Lie Lie, happy little lemonbread woman (Nooooooo! No more evil Pikachu's!! *scarred for life* hehe), taito queen formerly missy, KinuEnhjorning, Linnda, yamatoforever (yup, you had me figured out there! Lol), and Miss Mew, for the reviews! I love em all!

**Linger **by ThatGirl

**~chapter two, Fools, suggestions and heart wounds~**

Matt had stopped running, and was now walking silently down the street. The bag with his belongings in was heavy, but not anywhere near as heavy as his heart felt. It weighed his entire body down, throbbing and painfully pounding inside of his chest. He stubbornly blinked away the tears that pricked his sight.

Where could he go? 

He stopped walking and gazed around slowly. Didn't Sora live close to here? 

Matt went around the nearest corner. From here, he could see the apartment building she lived in, so he hurried over the street and pushed the code of the entrance. When inside, he took the stairs to the second floor and quickly spotted Sora's front door. 

Ringing the bell, he waited until the lock clicked and Sora opened.

"Matt?" she asked, looking both surprised and a little confused. She hadn't seen him in about a week or two and couldn't deny the fact that she still liked him… at least a little, having had a crush on him for some time now, but she quickly gathered herself again and continued, "Hi, how are you? Don't stand there all night, come in!" 

Matt managed a weak smile and let himself get ushered into the living room, where he sat down in the couch.

"You want something to eat or drink?" Sora wondered.

Matt shook his head.

"I'll be fine, thanks."

"Okay…" Sora gave him a worried mother-like look before sitting down beside him. She cast a glance at the bag Matt had put down in the hall. "What's that?"

Matt swallowed.

"M-My stuff", he said.

"Matt, what's happened?" Sora asked seriously and placed a hand upon his. At that, Matt finally cracked.   
Tears leaked out of his eyes and he buried his face in his hands, his shoulders quaking with sobs.

"Tai…" he wept.  
"What about him?"  
"I…We… I think we're not together anymore…"

Sora's eyes went wide.   
Tai and Matt _not_ together? No matter what she felt for Matt, she _knew_, and everybody did, that those two were the most perfect couple ever. 

"I left him in the apartment… and all just because of…" Matt hiccupped, but his last words were muffled as he tried wiping away some tears from his face with his sleeve.

"Shh…" Sora soothed, and wrapped her arms around the blond, carefully rocking him back and forth.

All Matt wished for, though he ashamed of admitting it, was to have Tai back with him, to hug him and to kiss him. Not that he didn't appreciate Sora, no, she was a great friend, but… she simply wasn't Tai. 

He was so stupid…

They sat there for a long time, Matt trying his best to explain what had happened to Sora, until his tears finally ceased. Then, he wearily straightened his back, his eyes still red and swollen.

"Y'know what?" he said sadly to Sora, sighing. "I'm such a fool… I didn't think… I already miss him, Sora. Maybe I was just being paranoid about Musuku… I've probably ruined everything now!"

"No, you're just a fool for _Tai_." Sora said. "It's totally obvious that you really like him, and it's never too late… Why don't you call him? I mean, maybe you just need to talk about it a little?"

Matt nodded solemnly. "I hope you're right." 

"I KNOW I am." she said with a grin, and the Matt felt a small smile tug the corners of his mouth.

"Thanks, Sora. I really, really appreciate it", he said, and then paused slightly. "Mind if I use your phone, please?"

Sora laughed and shook her head.

"Go on. Want me to wait outside?"

"If it's okay with you…"

"Okay." Matt looked thankful, and Sora went out in the kitchen.

The blond took a few deep breaths before picking up the telephone and dialling the familiar number. He waited fretfully while the signals sounded, and was just about to hang up when someone finally picked up. 

"Hello?" Tai's voice was a little raw, Matt noticed, and wondered if Tai too had been crying. He quickly shoved the thought away and opened his mouth to speak.

"Hi, Tai." he said. 

On the other side of the line, Tai sat up hastily in the bed where he had been laying, drawing in a sharp breath. 

"Matt?" he said. "God, I… Shit, I'm so sorry, I was so scared you'd--"

"I'm really sorry too… I shouldn't have done that, I was just so mad, but I… I'm sorry, Tai", Matt paused slightly, before continuing. "And about Musuku, maybe I'm just paranoid or something. But I felt so abandoned, like if you didn't even want to come home and see me anymore." 

"Matt, if you'll just forgive me, I promise you I'll try to spend more time with you. Please, Matt, I don't want you to go", Tai begged, putting his pride to the side, his throat straining more and more with every

word spoken. The last hours when he had thought Matt was out of his life had been torture for him.

It was quiet for a while, and then a whimper escaped Matt's lips.

"Love you", he whispered, clasping the receiver in his hands and biting his lip.

"I love you too", Tai said. He could almost see his boyfriend's actions, and felt horrible for making him so upset. Matt sniffed and Tai winced. 

"But…" Matt began.

"But what?" For some reason, Tai didn't want to hear what he had been going to say. Not here, like this, on the phone, anyway. "Look, it's really late now, and I don't want you to go home all by yourself, so do you think you can sleep at Sora's place? And then we can meet after work someplace tomorrow, maybe that little bar, you know?" he hurried to say.

Matt hesitated for a few moments, but at last said, "Okay"

They talked for a little bit longer, but then eventually they had to say goodbye and hang up.

Matt sighed, sinking deeper into the soft cushions of the sofa. He hadn't got the chance to tell Tai, but he… he felt more and more uncertain when it came to their being together now. It wasn't because of Tai, God, no. He loved Tai with every little bit of his soul and body and mind and everything, but it felt like if he'd seen this before. The fighting and the hesitation...the concluding end… His parents.  
Ever since the divorce, he'd wondered if that was the way he'd end up as well some day. He loathed those thoughts and mostly pushed them away, but they kept on gaining ground on him when he came to situations like these. Finally, he managed to get the thoughts out of his mind, at least for the moment, and remembered Sora. He instantly rose from the sofa.

"Sora? You mind if I spend the night at you place?"

*****

~*{The next evening}*~

 Tai was walking briskly out of the building where he worked as a voice called his name and Musuku came up behind him, placing an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey, Tai man", he said. "Wanna go out tonight? Just chill, do whatever?"

Tai shook his head.

"I can't. My boyfriend, remember?"

For a moment, Musuku looked about blank, but then he seemed to recall Matt.

"Oh, yeah… You guys were gonna meet at that bar, huh?"

"Yeah."  
"Well, I'm going there too. I'll keep you company until he gets there."

Tai hesitated, Matt's previous thoughts of his friend coming back to him. Musuku noticed the wavering in Tai's eyes.

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun. And I'll get to meet that boyfriend of yours as well." he added. "Matt was his name, right?"  
"Right." Tai said.  
"Well, let's go." 

"Musuku, I…"  
"Let's just go." 

Tai bit his lip slightly, but then forced himself into a happier mood. Musuku and he were just friends. Matt probably wouldn't mind.

"Ok", he said, and then the two were on their way.

When they got to the bar, a small place on the corner of a crossing that actually was more a café than a _bar_, they went inside and ordered a coffee each.

"So, what was that fight of yours about?" Musuku asked after a minute or two.

Tai looked down, as if the cream in the coffee cup had formed a perfect little picture of his grandmother.

"It… It wasn't anything big, really…" he said, pressing his lips together tightly, but then he lifted his head. "I… Do you think he trusts me?" he asked. "I mean… Or… How… After the fight, I felt really guilty, and I want to make it up to him, because I think I acted really thickly"

"Why don't you just leave him?" Taken off guard by the question, Tai nearly spluttered coffee over the counter. 

"Leave him!?" he choked out, gasping and coughing to prevent the hot drink from slipping down his windpipe. Musuku merely gave him a frank face.

"Yeah, if all you two does is to fight all the time, why bother keeping together? I mean, you could easily find another boyfriend, Tai."

"Leave _Matt_!?" Tai still hadn't completely digested Musuku's prior words. _Leave the wonderful, adorable boyfriend he had? Leave **Matt**? _The thought hadn't even crossed his mind until Musuku had voiced it. For the first time, he actually felt aggravation towards his new friend. "Leave him?" he said. "Why I want to bother keeping together? I'm freaking in love him, that's why!"

Musuku's expression remained, though he narrowed his eyes and pouted somewhat.

"So~rry. It was just a suggestion. How long have you dated Matt anyway?"

"Five years", Tai replied automatically.

"That's a long time. Maybe you should try other people for a while?"

Tai stood up and began walking out of the bar, and Musuku followed.

"I've already told you; No. I love him."

"You seem to say that a lot. Do you really mean it?"  
"Yes, of course I d--" Tai's voice was muffled by a pair of lips pressing against his own. He gaped out of surprise and instantly felt a tongue slip into his mouth. Immediately snapping out of the slight shock, he pushed Musuku away from him.

*****

Matt hurried down the street as fast as he could. Having rehearsed all day with the band, as their next concert was coming up in about two weeks, he was a bit tired, and they had needed to change a song text a bit so that it would fit with the melody, and so now… he was late.

He cursed silently as he rounded a corner and a (doubtlessly speeding) car almost hit him, making him nearly drop the guitar case he carried in the back. 

Was he very late?   
He didn't have a watch to glance at, but the latest time he'd checked the time, the clock had showed 08.25 p.m. That had been in the place he and the band practised, of course. 

Even though he was a little nervous about how Tai would be, if he'd be sorry, still be a little angry with him, or maybe act totally normal, he'd longed for his boyfriend the entire day.

Matt turned left by another corner of a tall building and came out on one of the streets of which the bar's corner was. "The green Hunter". A strange name, but in some way, it fitted.

He glanced up, and abruptly stopped walking. A strange, dreading feeling stabbed through his chest and right into his heart.

Tai…

_And Musuku…_

And they were… Kissing.

Kissing?  
But… No… No!

Matt swivelled round and ran, fleeing from the scene.

He had trusted Tai's words… But he had been right all the time… Why had he trusted him?

It hurt so much… 

A/N: Hmm… I didn't like that so much… But please write a review anyway!


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: **If you wanna read the disclaimer, it's in the first chapter! (If you're really that interested..^_^)  And I feel this chapter isn't as good as it could be… I don't know, it needed angst, and I wasn't in the mood of writing the angst required, so… Well, I hope you'll like it anyway..^^

And loads and loads of thanks to these guys too: Miss Mew, anonymous, joyeuse femme en pain d'epices (*ducks and covers head* Please don't kill me with evil Pikachu's!!), Nine, Misty Ishida, Crysie, SakumaRyuichi, babydragon, Spirited-Away, Linnda, Moonlite (Musuku's an original character, I kind of made him up because I needed a "bad guy" and didn't wanna bash one of the DD's^_~), ColourBlind, yamatoforever, Sasha, Sheelena, Sazzie, nEo-cHaN, Willow, and Trisha! 

I've had a kind of rough time the latest months, and you've really helped me with encouraging me to continue to write. I really feel I should apologize for the long wait as well, and I hope you still remember this fic:-)

**Linger **by ThatGirl

**~chapter three, ~**

"What… What was that?" Tai asked, resisting the urge to spit, almost as if he still could feel Musuku's tongue caress the inside of his mouth. 

"You didn't like it?" Musuku wondered, almost looking a bit hurt.

"You just kissed me!" Tai stated the obvious in an accusing tone. 'Shock' or 'surprise' would have been a major understatement to describe what he was feeling.

"Well, yeah."

Tai just gaped, not caring about the fact that he must've looked about like a dying fish flushed up on a shore.

*****

_He doesn't even care, he doesn't. Probably never has, and I was just too blind to see it…_ Matt's mind raced as he tore through the traffic. He did not care if the angry drivers honked like crazy at him, and hell, he would not have cared if they had stood on the gas pedal and accelerated either! A terrible pain was nagging in his chest, radiating up to his throat, and he clenched his jaws to prevent tears from slipping out of his eyes.

He had been right… all this time.

Every night he had stayed up late, waiting for Tai to come home from "work", every dinner that had slowly gotten colder and colder on the kitchen table, every evening that his face had screwed up and he had forced back the tears… he had been so… damn… right...

And every time, Tai had denied it.

Why, to cause him more pain? Or had he been afraid he would crack like an eggshell once his boyfriend told him he didn't want him anymore? That he had found another who wasn't a fucked up mess with an attitude problem? Someone who… who maybe… just was not Matt. All the things Matt did wrong, the ways he wasn't perfect, the old scars after the divorce and those horrible lines his parents threw at each other that still rang in his ears sometimes, and the flaws that…

Matt shoved the thoughts out of his head. He had heard them so many times before, always creeping around in the back of his head, the doubts and the never-ending fear. Feeling like squeezing his eyes shut and scream, clasping his head and shake it until they went away, he _wanted_ them to go away, but at the same time, he was to weak to make them.

He had not even noticed that he had gotten to the apartment building where he and Tai lived, just gone into it by mere instinct, taking the stairs because the elevator was broken again, then locked up the door and gone inside.

No-one was home, and Matt had not been expecting anyone to be. Tai was doubtlessly still with Musuku.

That strange pain in his chest was clasping his heart tightly by now. It tinged in his fingertips when he quietly ran his hand over the chest of drawers in the hall as he passed it, and went into the bedroom, where he laid down on the bed. He blinked once, and when his eyes opened again, they were burning.

Something warm and wet trickled down his cheeks, but his brain didn't register.

It hurt…

He was so weak.

Matt swallowed and looked up in the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, he simply ignored the feelings, burying them somewhere deep below his surface where they would not escape, and then he sealed the lock the way he had learned to seal it. All that remained inside of him was a strange, yet familiar, emptiness that was not really empty, but… only hollow. He felt hollow. Though he did not care, because it was better than…

No, he would not think of it... He would not. Did not want to.     
The world both spun and stood completely still as he closed his eyes.

Why were those warm, wet drops still running down his cheeks?

*****

Tai picked up his cell phone from the pocket of his jacket. He had made it clear for Musuku that he had wanted him to leave quite quickly, and Musuku had done just that a good fifteen minutes ago, but Matt still had not shown up.   
Could he tell Matt about what had happened?  
Tai did not know…

How would he react? Would he be relieved when Tai told him that he had shoved Musuku off him and then told him about what had happened, or would he be angry, hurt, sad?

If this only had not happened…

Tai bit his lip and tapped nervously at the table with is fingers. He had taken a seat in the café after Musuku had left, dreading and hoping Matt would show up sometime soon. It did not seem that way though. He had waited for, Tai glanced at his clock, almost an hour now.

Maybe Matt had forgotten it. That was not like Matt to forget like that at all, but maybe he had, just this time. 

Tai fidgeted a little with the sleeve of the jacket and waited another twenty minutes. And another twenty, and another twenty, stubborn as he was. 

Eventually though, he gave up. Matt was clearly not going to come.

Tai left "The Green Hunter" without having ordered anything, and hurried down the street to get home to the apartment.

By the time he got there, Matt was long gone. There was something about the atmosphere. It had been almost two hours since IT had happened, and if Matt had been home at all, which Tai still somewhere in the back of his head had a feeling of that he had, he had left again in maybe an hour. The only question was to where.

Tai absentmindedly locked the front door behind him and not caring about taking his shoes of, he took a few steps into the hall. It was so quiet. He looked into the kitchen. The daily little pile of mail was on the table, and a dirty plate and a few glasses were in the sink, waiting for someone to do the dishes. It hit Tai that he almost never did the dishes, Matt was more than often the one to do that. The living room was just as eerily the same and empty. Tai flicked the light on and then off again when he saw that there was nothing out of the ordinary there. The bathroom door stood half open and inside it was dark, so he did not bother to check, just stared at it for a while. When he got to the bedroom, the small knot of… fear, despair, he could not quite identify it, grew to its maximum yet. He scrunched his eyebrows together and his eyeballs swelled and felt hot. There was nothing in the room except for some wrinkles on the bedspread that told him that someone had been lying there.  
Tai swallowed and touched the silky material with the tips of his fingers, and not surprisingly, the somewhat stiffer traces of salt, dried tears, were what he felt. Tai sank to his knees by the bed. His head dropped onto the bed as if he had been a puppet that had gotten a small push from behind. Matt's scent filled his nose when he took a ragged breath, and he knew what had happened, even though he did not want to.

A sudden wave of anger washed over him and he slammed his fists into the bed, gritting his teeth to bite back the scream that wanted out of his throat. Tears leaked out of his eyes. God, he wanted to scream. Scream and beat something, most preferably himself or maybe Musuku, but also maybe Matt, into a bloody pulp. Or no, not Matt. He had not done anything wrong, and Tai knew that all too well. As fast as the anger had come, it was gone and left him only with a mix of sorrow and guilt. Which was not a very pleasant thing either.

Then, a horrible noise cut through the room. The phone was ringing. 

A/N: So… What did you think about it? Please review!   


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